In this interview, Dr. Chuck and Pastor Rick Craig discuss the tough subject of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss and ways for families to navigate through such a tragedy.
When the Time is Too Soon: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss
Dr. Chuck: I’m Dr. Chuck, the best guy to see on the worst day of your life, and here on Spoonful of Courage we have with us Pastor Rick Craig. Rick is the author of When It’s Time. This is a great book that talks about end-of-life issues, and a very emotional thing that’s discussed in your book, Pastor Rick, is miscarriage, stillbirth and the loss of an infant. Tell us about your experiences there and give us some tips on how to navigate through this.
Pastor Rick: Well, I think we’ve all heard the phrase that, “losing a child is the hardest thing ever you could go through in life,” and I think that’s very true.
Dr. Chuck: It’s not supposed to happen.
Pastor Rick: Not supposed to happen. In fact, in that chapter there’s two different ladies that I interviewed, Carolyn and Cassie, both of them had similar experiences and both of them had the same statements is, “the number of questions that they were asked after their babies had passed away was overwhelming,” just overwhelming. So in that chapter, they give some pretty good ideas on how to help someone process through that. I take it from a different perspective and I talk about so many questions that I’ve had about that is, “do I have a funeral, memorial, a service for my baby?” Again, we’re talking about miscarriage, we’re talking about stillbirth, and the answer really stands from your own personal convictions. For example, if you are a person who says that baby was not a human yet because the baby was not born and you do not have that connection with that baby, a lot of those people say it’s not necessary. They still grieve, but it’s not necessary. Now, if you have personal convictions, you’re a person of faith and you say that, that baby was a human and that baby was my baby, and I want to honour that baby by having a service for him or her. Then I walked with them through that and how to do that. Now most people don’t know, but funeral homes and cemeteries have a section of the cemetery where there’s no charge for infant burial. Most people don’t know that, it’s free of charge and they do that out of respect and honor for the family. So, they even have little, tiny caskets, little, tiny ones, and some of them might only be this big. But the funeral homes are, most of them are wonderful people, and they want to serve families in their community, so they do that for families. So, that chapter is really based on what is the difference of a stillbirth versus miscarriage? What do you do if you do not have any personal convictions, meaning a person of faith, how do you process through that? Do you have a service? How do you take the first step? And then, if you are a person of faith, then how do you design to service for an infant? So, it’s a very, very important factor and it’s one that you even hate to bring up to someone who is pregnant. But in reality, if they were asked that question, “what would you do if you had a miscarriage or stillbirth?” And I could tell you that 99.999% of the people, the women out there, would say “I have no idea.”
Dr. Chuck: But it’s something that you typically don’t think about. It’s always the other person.
Pastor Rick: My recommendation would be for any female that is pregnant, is to read that chapter. And it sounds gruesome and it sounds like a dark place that you don’t want to go and you really don’t want to go there emotionally and mentally. But I think everybody should read that chapter to have heads up as, “well, what if something does happen? What am I going to do?” And it’s a subject matter that very few, if any, have ever approached before until they experience that event, and that’s a hard one to experience.
Dr. Chuck: Well, I think that’s wise. Yeah, you know, Pastor Rick, you’re bringing up so many things that we should talk about, but we don’t talk about for many reasons, because they’re emotionally charged, and then also it’s just the fact that we’re just so busy nowadays. We don’t take time to stop and think about those, and I think that’s one of the real values of your book. You know, you talk about pre-need and you talk about at-need. At-need are those who just, it happens, you haven’t thought about it. I think what your book speaks to is, it speaks to both groups of people, helping those to prepare, and then also giving some tips for people who they come to this life experience of death and they just can’t wrap their minds around it. It’s just kind of a great guide. By the way, Pastor Rick’s book is called When It’s Time and his website is whenitstime.org. Pastor Rick has been a pastor and a counselor, and, of course, so many of these stories and these resources and these tips come from Pastor Rick’s long history of ministering and serving and dealing with people in their need. Pastor Rick, it’s just great to just to hear these things. They are things that we really don’t want to hear and don’t want to talk about, but just really appreciate your courage to just, to get out there and put this book out. I think it’s really valuable for people.
Pastor Rick: I hope everybody gets a chance to read it, because it puts a light on so many subject matters that people just don’t want to talk about or don’t know about.
Dr. Chuck: Pastor Rick Craig, whenitstime.org, you can find his book on Amazon and we’ll provide you with some links. Pastor Rick, is great to have you on Spoonful of Courage.
Pastor Rick: Thanks, Dr. Chuck, appreciated it.
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About Pastor Rick Craig:
Rick Craig has over 35 years of success developing and leading organizations, both in the private sector and in ministry. He has been an ordained Christian pastor for over twenty years, with a focus in church leadership as a Campus Pastor, and the ministries of pastoral care, local and global missions, and discipleship.
Rick’s primary ministry today includes speaking engagements and seminars introducing his book, officiating funerals / memorials and grief counseling. His education includes degrees from Vanguard University and Golden West College with a Life Coaching Certification from Western Seminary in Rocklin, California.
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